I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. I hear many horror stories about people that hate their pdoc (slang for psychiatrist). I feel blessed because I adore mine. We work as a team rather than her just handing me pills. We actually laugh a lot. Definitely Not the stereotype of what you view a psychiatric session is like.

I had a med change. I now take a double dose of neurontin in the morning. I assume that’s why I feel the way I do today – like I’ve been smoking weed. Just mellow and hanging out and doing nothing. It’s probably not the effect I’m suppose to have but I like it. It will probably change as my body gets use to it. DAMN!

She also doubled lamictal so maybe that’s what is causing the effect. I don’t know.

This is pretty much what bipolar recovery is:

Will this work? Nope. it made you nuts.
How about this? Nope it. made you depressed.
Maybe this one? Perfect but it makes you fat.
And so on…

Everyones chemistry is different so it’s a lot of hit or miss. Trial and error. The errors sometimes really suck.

I asked my pdoc about going back to work. Yikes! She thinks I’ll be ready soon. I wish I didn’t ask. Scares the shit out of me after being on disability for two years. Plus you usually start out with a job that’s simple and non stressful. Going to be kinda humbling. On the plus side I asked if I could just get additional training in web design so I can get back to my own web design business. She thinks it possible. I just need to talk with vocational rehab. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I’d much rather run my business at my pace then get a job putting pegs in holes all day.