Being on the west coast, I have a ton of beautiful pictures of the sun setting over the ocean. I looked around and could not find any pics I took with the sun rising. I had to steal this one off the net, but I really like it.

Do Over!

One thing I like about life is no matter how bad things get, no matter what things you’ve done, and no matter how much the shit has hit the fan, you can always yell “Do over!” and start fresh and new. I’ve yelled “do over” many times in my life. It doesn’t always work, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

Yesterday, I had a great interview with an author in Paris named Dieter Moitzi. It will release on my podcast next week. After the interview, I edited the interview and got the webpage set up as much as I can before release date. Later this week, I’ll record the book recommendation segment of the show with Justene and then have to edit that. That doesn’t take very long at all. What does that mean, and why should you care? It means that for the first time, in a very long time, my week is free. What I do with this week is up to me and can be very important.

Just What Will I Do?

This should not be an exciting thing for a writer to say. It should be part of the natural order of things, but as you know, I’ve had some major roadblocks of recent months.

What I’m going to do is write.

No, I won’t switch from tab to tab in a manic state looking at my emails, then Facebook, then Instagram, then checking my book sales, then checking my podcast stats, then checking Twitter, and starting all over again. That has taken a tremendous portion of my life lately. I also won’t be doing my other favorite activity, staying in bed napping on and off all day and hoping my depression will eventually go away.

So far. Keep your fingers crossed. I feel great today.

Will I Really Be Writing?

That depends on your definition of writing. It’s not likely I’ll have my fingers at the keyboard churning out new and beautiful prose. That’s likely the Webster definition of writing and it ain’t gonna happen.

What I will be doing is be active in the writing process. Hell, I gotta find out where I was. I have to review my outline and my notes. I gotta go over what I’ve already writing and possibly make edits as necessary. I can’t go forward until I know where I’ve been. I need a kick start. All of that, including cover design, marketing, etc. are just as, or maybe almost as, important as the physical writing itself.

In a nutshell, I’m getting back at it and it feels good.

Stir Crazy

Oh my God what a weekend it was. Maurice and I were both going stir crazy. We did have some errands that had to be done, so we took a detour and drove along the ocean for awhile, but overall it was nuts.

Maurice has some things going on that are causing a lot of stress. As you know, I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress. Take two men trapped together in one tiny room and you don’t get a foul tasting mix.

Our apartment is small, but we deal with it and can enjoy each others company, yet get some space from each other too, which is healthy. This heat wave is not allowing this to happen. We have only one air conditioner and it’s in the bedroom. It’s not large enough to cool off the living room/kitchen area well, so the bedroom is where it is. That is also where my desk is, so it’s the logical place to put it.

The ongoing heatwave, and only having one air conditioner, sticks us together in the one room. 99% of the time I’m at my desk while he’s on the bed working, or watching television, or surfing. We’re each doing our own thing, but it’s within a few feet from each other.

We spent much of the time mulling over what we could do, but there’s not much we can do during this pandemic. Probably our only, or at least best, option was to pitch our tent on the beach, and can relax or read for a few hours. Shock of all shocks, neither of us felt like doing that. It’s rare that I don’t want to go there. It’s one place I know I’ll always be at easy, but it just didn’t feel right. Perhaps it’s because the heatwave would have only been a slight more bearable for a few hours.

I have a projector on my phone, so we tried laying in bed and watching a movie projected on the ceiling. It’s worked before, and we hoped it was a good option. It failed. Even with the blinds closed it was a little too bright in the room. We also have a popcorn ceiling. The popcorn ceiling isn’t that big of a deal if we watch a movie a thousand times, or a TV show. We had a specific movie we wanted to watch and it didn’t work out.

We’ve been stuck together in the room now for months on end and it’s taking its toll on us. I’m sure many of you can understand.

The Boys in the Band

The movie we wanted to watch was The Boys in the Band. If you’re not familiar with it, it was a 1968 play focusing on a group of men during a birthday party. There’s also a classic version that released in 1970.

We both remember the original movie being slow and depressing, but we were intrigued by the remake on Netflix. Ryan Murphy, best known for Glee and American Horror Story, produced the new movie. I vacillated over whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. He infuriates me by starting a TV series that turns out good, or even brilliant, but only for a short time. He easily gets distracted by a new bright and shiny, which takes him away from his current projects, causing them to fall apart in short order.

Glee is a prime example. It’s one that I consider brilliant. Sure, there were some absurd storylines, primarily his wife pretending to be pregnant, but the show was so good that it was easy for me to overlook that ludicrous arc.

About midway through the first season things started to go wrong. Be the second season it danced on the rim of the toilet. The third season and thereafter were almost unbearable, but I hung on because until the end of the fourth season because I was certain that it had to get better. It never did.

I never watched An American Horror Story, which is what he abandoned Glee for, but I’m told by those who followed the series that the same thing happened to it.

I’ll get to The Boys in the Band. I promise.

Netflix signed an expensive deal with Murphy to create a set number of shows and movies, so like it or not, Murphy was definitely going to be on for awhile.

I was pleasantly surprised at what a great mini-series The Assassination of Gianni Versace was. At first, I didn’t think I was going to be able to watch. Darren Criss starred as Andrew Cunanan. It was difficult for me to see him on the screen and not see past his roll of squeaky Blaine Anderson from Glee. Fortunately, Criss’ performance was so outstanding that I forgot all about the Glee background and his role as Cunanan sent chills down my spine. Murphy did play with the reality of the series of events leading up to Versace’s murder, plus he filled a lot of time with fiction where it was impossible to know what was going on with Cunanan. That all being said, I loved it and it encouraged me to watch The Boys in the Band since it was a one time film and not a series. He did not disappoint.

There were some exterior scenes showing the characters away from the main set that weren’t in the original, but they didn’t distract. Beyond that, the entire scene took place in the one apartment and was line by line from the original movie, and I’d presume the play. It was still slow and depressing, but it felt different. Maybe because I’m older. I think every actor was the perfect choice, especially Matt Bomer, who I’m madly in lust with.

This was the first time I watched the film as an out gay man, and a much older and (hopefully) wiser person. There were some great, funny, one liners, but it truly was about the sad, and incredibly self loathing, many gay men had during that era. Hell, many are still going through it.

I love Matt Bomer, but the star of the film is Jim Parsons, best known as Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. This movie showcased his ability to play different, and in depth, characters. I absolutely despised the character he plays in the movie, as it should be. He brilliantly plays a gay man who socializes with other gay men, but plays it “straight” to the rest of the world. You could feel how much the character despised himself. It was painful and brilliant.

I highly recommend the film.

Tiny House or Tiny Country?

I’m repeating myself by writing that Maurice and I have made a firm agreement that we will move out of the U.S. if Trump wins the upcoming election. An unbreakable promise we made to each other. Uruguay is where we’ll likely go.

For years, Maurice and I have planned to build a tiny house on wheels. We’ve been in enough of them to know it’s the way for us. We’ve worked and re-worked the layout of the house down to the most minute detail.

In the meantime, because of the election, I’ve researched and know more about Uruguay than probably most people who have lived there there entire lives. I also chat online daily with expats who live there. I have fallen so in love with the country that I’m ready to move there now no matter who wins the election. Maurice has tolerated, and even encouraged me, to do the heavy research.

Yesterday, Maurice and I had a talk. He reaffirmed his commitment to move away if the election goes sour, but emphasized he wants to continue to stay here and build our tiny house if Biden wins. He’d still consider becoming an expat, but he’s not even close to the enthusiasm I have.

We’re at a standstill. If, and most likely when, Trump loses this November, we’ll have to have a deeper discussion. Knowing he’s not as adventurous as I am, and how important being close to family is important to him, it’s not a conversation I’m looking forward to. I’m trying to put the idea out of mind for now. We’ll have to see how things go, but I’ll be honest and say my heart will be broken if we stay here.

Decisions Will Have To Wait

As much of that will occupy my mind, it’s time for me to be what I really am…a writer.