The paragraph below is from a post I wrote in June, 2008:
4 years ago when I got sober I rarely went to bars and clubs. Finally one night Maurice and I went dancing (I love to dance). During our dancing the 1979 hit came on called “Born to be Alive” by Patrick Hernandez. We danced and swayed and then I started listening to the words “born to be alive” played repeatedly. I realized for the first time in a long while I was no longer surviving – I was living. I began laughing and crying right there on the spot. The feeling of joy overwhelmed me. It was a breakthrough moment in my life. Whenever I hear the song today it takes on that special meaning today. The song is repetitious but I never get tired of hearing it.
This is not the first time I’ve reposted that article. It comes back to me whenever my head is in a good space and things have been going real well for me lately. Very well. Sure, physically I’m not feeling so hot, but mentally life is damn good. I’ve been enjoying my summer, in September I’ll be going back to school and I have been loving being able to focus extra time to this blog.
Do I expect this high to last forever? Of course not. I’m bipolar. I know the crash and burn stage will come again, but I refuse to ignore feeling good because of fear that it’s going to end. I’ve done that way too many times in the past and wasted away some good days in the process.
Here, again, is a link to a video to the song sung by Patrick Hernandez. The video is so bad it makes me laugh. I hope you get a kick out of it to.
I have a similar song except it’s more contemporary (to me) and is in a rock genre that I can’t define. The band is Tool, the album is Lateralus, the song is “Parabola” and the lyric is “Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.”
Every time I hear that song and those words, I am reminded of the prayer and promise I made to the Universe about 6 years ago that if I were allowed to live with minimal brain damage or whatever the disposition of my latest and last suicide attempt was to be, I would never make another attempt on my life. I almost died that night in the ER, and I realized with the type of profound understanding that only comes from a really scary experience (like being near death) that as painful as it may be to live sometimes that was what I wanted more than anything in the world.
I gained a certain amount of wisdom that night, and recognized the truth about what I was doing not only to myself, but to any people out there that still cared about me (Bipolar disorder tends to wear on people, and they go away); especially my family, and most specifically, my mother, who gave me life.
I pulled the video up on Youtube. Very haunting and I agree it’s a genre that is difficult to describe. I agree the lyrics are good.
I’m glad you’re still with us and you were able to learn from an awful experience,
Tool is kind of like the Rush of the 90’s to present. Their lyrics are very complex in nature, and express some not so positive things and some very positive things. Unlike Rush, though, they are not political and deal more with the human psyche and it’s strengths and weaknesses.
I am glad I am still here, too, and that I seem to have retained all my faculties. That experience didn’t just teach, it enlightened me to the true nature of what I and many other people do to themselves and the ones who love them.
Sorry to double post 🙂 I remember that song from being a kid mainly because I loved and still love to dance so I loved the whole Disco movement even though my heart lay in the now “classic” rock of the late 60’s into the 80’s when Alternative and Grunge and Heavy Metal took over.
It’s funny, I grew up on classic rock but don’t enjoy it much today. I think I just got tired of it from overplaying. I mostly enjoy alternative rock. Nirvana is my favorite band.
I like Nirvana okay, but I like Godsmack and Tool better, and can’t forget Jane’s Addiction 🙂 Oh yeah, and Alice in Chains. They are one of my favorite “irritated as all hell” bands.
I have a few songs like that, where I get that, “oh, this is what it’s all about” moment. I tried to watch the whole video but just.couldn’t. LOL 😀
It’s painful to watch but I find it delightfully awful
this was a great post, because it focuses on enjoying what you have when you have it…not waiting for it to be gone (again). i love that you have a ‘song’ that defines that moment, that feeling… ironically, my brain mis-read what song you said and substituted ‘born to be wild’ instead (lolz) (which is probably more my song!)
LOL. There were t8mes when “Born to be Wild,” would have been most appropriate for me too. It is great when I hear “Born to be Alive” because it was really a magic moment that had an unbelievable amount of clarity.
The Black Crows’ She Talks to Angels is my headed down song. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, to me anyway, but somehow it captures the unreality and the darkness and yet is a rockin’ good song. I listen to it sometimes and it reminds me of what it can be like.
You’re right, Lora, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it is a good song.