Once again I’m finding myself under a lot of pressure, today starting with overeating. Yesterday, Maurice and I, walked down to a BBQ restaurant in our neighborhood and I ate like a king. A gluttonous king, of course. Then we went to the movies and I had a large dark chocolate bar. Then, when we got home […]
Category: anxiety
Under My Skin
It’s back again…or did it ever leave? I’m talking about that mix of anxiety and depression that flows through my veins. A couple of months ago I mentioned it never goes away and, yep, it’s still here. It’s not in my veins, actually. It feels more like there’s a second layer of skin directly beneath […]
Impending Doom
I worry. I fret, I fear, I agonize, I stress, and I get anxious. For the last several days, however, I’ve been dealing with something I’ve never felt before – impending doom. I don’t know where’s it’s coming from. I don’t know why I’m feeling it. But it’s there, looming over me ready to strike. […]
The Best Bradley I Can Be
I’ve had many good things in my life. I have much to be grateful for. However, life has been hell. The confusion, memory loss, insecurities, manic episodes, depressive episodes and all the negative self talk made for some miserable times. I was relieved when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Finally it had a […]
Study Time
It’s study time today. I’m preparing for a difficult Cultural Anthropology exam next week. Just a few years ago I couldn’t leave the apartment and now I’m in college. It’s been an exciting, but difficult experience. I sometimes think I’ve gone back too soon. More than sometimes, actually. In honesty, I think it a lot […]
Beneath the Epidermis
The shaking never stops. Even on good days, like yesterday, it’s still there. You can’t see it, but it’s there, nested beneath the surface of the skin, inter-mingled with the anxiety and depression. I can only hope that someday they all will release their grip on me. Just like the painful knots forever between my […]
Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety….Eat, Eat, Eat
The bombings in Boston on Monday made me take a good hard look at my life. I’ve already expressed my gratitude for the good things I have. Unfortunately, through it all, I also have been struggling with my good friend, Major Anxiety. I am an emotional eater, but this week has been more out of […]
What Makes Maurice so Amazing
Maurice and I met online. Our first date was like a dream. We spent the night laying on the beach under a full moon while we talked for hours. The night went perfect in every way and we both knew this was going to be more than a one night gig. We spent a lot […]
Things not so good in my brain right now.
I just wrote a post that gave a good update regarding my life. Somehow an accidental click somewhere and it was all gone. I’ve never had that happen. Anyway, I’ll just say that I’m full of anxiety and depression. Most of it was about not being able to see my daughter because of my lack […]
Frustration
I have friends who talk about how awful their pdocs (psychiatrist) are. They claim their pdoc never listens to what they say, and won’t make any med changes even when asked. It feels, at times, they are talking about Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. I always felt lucky. The pdoc I first worked with, Doctor Lisa, would spend a […]