A dollop of this, a smidgen of that, add a little of this, and then a pinch of this and a pinch of that and what do you get? Finally something to control your mania.

But wait, something just isn’t tasting right. So we now have to add a spoon of this and a sprinkle of that. Ahhh, that’s better, now the depression is under control. All of this will work well, until possibly next year.

You’ve finally reached the recipe that suits your taste and next year you may have to do it all again. That’s what it can be like for those who are bipolar or suffer from depression. Change is a normal part of the game.

My pdoc and I had a long conversation on the phone yesterday and we’ve decided it’s time for another med change, of course. At firsst we were going to up the Propranolol to see if that would finally control the shaking. I should get a job at a paint store mixing cans of paint.

In addition to the shakes I’m back to confusion again. (by that I mean more than normal) I took a bus ride a couple of days ago and made the huge mistake of missing my stop. I wound up somewhere I knew but at that point was confused and disoriented. It took me hours to get home when it should have taken less than an hour. The good part is I skipped my morning walk. The powers that be must have been forcing me to get exercise. I wasn’t ordered again not to take the bus for awhile, but am putting myself on restriction. My pdoc thinks the confusion may be from the Depakote I’m taking. We considered changing that to lithium but there’s one problem – the Depakote is also working as my anti seizure med. It’s one of the reasons we chose it so I wouldn’t have to take separate meds. Sigh.

We decided to reduce my Depakote for now and leave my Properalolol alone. She doesn’t like making multiple changes at once. (Easy for her to say)

My pdoc apologizes for putting me through all this, but I keep telling her it’s no big deal. I knew all along that this is a normal part of the process until the right combination comes along. I don’t mean to whine here…ugh, who wants to hear that? Just want to give “normies” an idea as to what the situation is like. BTW, you normies, some of you are more crazy than we are! 🙂

For me, I’ve chosen not to concern myself with it the rest of the day. Maurice and I are going to enjoy a picnic lunch on the beach and I’ll worry about the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes later.