My visit with my 11 year old daughter this week has been amazing. We’ve had so much fun doing things, but most of our fun has been talking and laughing.
Today I reminded my little girl that tomorrow was the last day of my visit. She frowned, bowed her head and said “Oh no.” It made me sad and it brought a tear to my eye, yet, it also made me ecstatic to see how much she cared. Is it wrong when it feels good to make your child sad? As a long distance dad, the one thing I worry about most is her resenting me. I fear her believing I don’t love her. I fear she will lose touch with how much I care. It felt good to get a visual and vocal reminder of how much she does care and the funny thing is I don’t feel guilty about that. Probably a bit selfish on my part, but I’ll own it.
So tomorrow we’re off to a day at the zoo and then I’ll have to say goodbye to Sierra. I hope it’s not long before I can visit again.
A bittersweet moment, indeed. But you are enjoying the time you do have, and that’s what counts. When you’re there she knows you’re really there. That counts for a lot in these things.
Live and let Love…It’s not selfish, but human. I’m sure that she’s very grateful for the awesome Dad that she has and has created fantastic memories….Enjoy it…
Your daughter has my grandaughter’s name, how very fortunate we both are.
It’s not selfish to have your heart warmed by signs of love, not at all. And it’s all the more understandable in light of your concerns.I am so glad you’ve both had a good time, and it saddens me too that you have to part ways so soon. Blessed be my friend, and give your daughter a hug from me. She is lucky to have a dad like you.
Bradley, I think you are very fortunate to have such a warm and loving relationship with your daughter. It may be sad for her but it expresses how much she truly loves you. It may be bittersweet for both of you but I bet she understands and will be able to process the sadness. Peace, Annie
You may be physically distant, but it seems as if you are emotionally right there for her. You have done more with and for her in the last few days than some dads who live with their kids every day.
Being there emotionally for the child counts so much, and for her, at age 11, knowing she has a father who loves her and wants to spend time with her is the best gift you could give her.People grow up with parents right in their own house and don’t have that.A telephone call now and things you can do at a distance will keep the connection going, such as sending her books she likes with you reading on audio (Dad’s book on tape) or a notebook mailed between the 2 of you writing weekly events of what you;ve done that week. That is an amazing way to keep in touch/connected.I’m glad it was a good visit for you both, it’s important for girls to have a Dad who is a positive force in their lives.(speaking from my own life experience)Take care Bradley
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Dear Bradley,There’s nothing better than having our children love us…is there?Susan
She is a lucky girl to have you in her life
While bittersweet I think it is perfectly normal to feel sadness, and for you to feel happy that she showed she will miss you. It has to make you feel good. I hope the visit has provided many good memories to last until your next visit.
Bradley – I am so excited for you – for your adventurous crazy walking, for your successful time with your ex, for the great memories you added to your daughter’s life. You are a fantastic dad. I had forgotten to check your blog during the week with my own craziness and I read each of your posts so pleased I saved it all until today to read it through from beginning to end. I assume you still got to be in the skinny seatbelt on the plane ride home and you made it safe and sound back to McB? :DCheers to kids, to vacations, and to coming home when its all over!
It isn’t “wrong” to be happy when she is sad because it means that she has made a real connection to you. You convey much love, interest and wanting to be involved by your visit…she will always remember this. My hunch is that she will not resent you, but be sad that you were far apart, but even so that you took time out to visit her.Telephone calls, email, snail mail, remembering important days, just because cards, etc…will show your love and will help you to remain connected particularly if you could get email for her, then you could talk about day to day life. You could even do that by writing a letter. That would make you and involved father.Any of the things above would have made all the difference in the world to me.
Oh… it will warm your heart each time she tells you she misses you. That, in itself, says so much. You are obviously important to her, and she loves you.Way to go papa.Hugs,Mon
Hi Bradley,That is a very touching story. What is most important is that you are building a positive relationship with your daughter; that is commendable. When I was 11 I lived with my father, and wished that I didn’t; it was an awful abuse relationship, in which everyday I wished that I was dead (I won’t say more here). The point is, that it is more important to have a quality relationship, than to have a lot of time together.I like your blog.:). Visit mine if you’d like at hopetocope.blogspot.com.Faith