I look back and see that my past couple of posts seem negative. I don’t mean for them to be. I’m not wallowing in despair. I’m not dangerously manic. I’m just manic enough that I am unable to concentrate. I use this blog to get out of me what I’m going through and what’s going on. It’s therapeutic. Unfortunately, that sometimes makes it look like my life is a living hell. Sure, it feels that way at times, but not always. It certainly doesn’t now.

But, racing, uncontrollable thoughts are not easy. I’m not going to discount that, but they aren’t extremely painful. The only pain I feel is the end of the day when I realize I’ve gotten nothing done. So, take the graphic above to heart. I’m not okay, but it’s okay not to be okay. That was a hard lesson to learn.

That Being Said…

I’m sitting at Maurice’s office as I type this. We only have one car and I have a doctor’s appointment so I had to drop him off.

To contradict what I said in the first paragraph, last night was really tough and I didn’t expect it. I’ve been dying to get out of our apartment. I stay in the one room that has air conditioning and the room feels smaller every day. You would think I’d be excited to be getting out for a change, but last night I was terrified knowing I was going to have to get out today.

I was relaxed watching The Great British Baking Show. Hardly a high drama thing to watch. Eventually I felt myself shaking. I didn’t understand why at first and then I realized it was because of my fear of coming outside. I told Maurice I had to lie down and he curled up with me. I went through a period of disassociation, which is always uncomfortable. Those that know my history may remember that makes it hard for me to get into bed. I become afraid objects aren’t there and I will fall through them. It wasn’t too bad, so I was able to force myself to fall in the bed without too much of a wait, but it sure sucked.

We stayed in bed for probably half an hour before I was back to normal again and we were able to finish watching the baking show. I followed that by watching the final two episodes of season 8 of The Walking Dead. Earlier I said I made it most of the way through season 9, but I was wrong. It was 8. Anyway, the episodes were satisfying and why the hell a gruesome show about zombies relaxes me, I don’t know, but they do. I was able to get to bed and rest easy afterward.

Just Keep Swimming

I probably shouldn’t use that heading. It was cute for a week or two after Finding Nemo came out, but it has grown tiresome. Anyway, it does reflect what I’m trying to do. I did open up my novel yesterday and got some words down. Not much, but a little bit more than the day before. That’s progress. For a change, I didn’t then place all my focus on Uruguay. I did a lot of surfing instead. I’ve also found some wonderful videos on YouTube to distract me from all the things that need to be done. I guess there are far worse things I could get caught up in doing.

Time for Geography Lessons

Whether you want it or not, I’m going to give you a Uruguayan geography lesson. No reason in particular, it’s just in case you’re interested because I bring it up so much. Plus, it’s a country people know very little about, so some find it interesting to learn a little.

First, here is a picture of South America. Uruguay is that tiny brown country located between Argentina and Brazil. There’s a long history of why it hasn’t been swallowed up by one or the other, but it’s more than I care to get into. The Reader’s Digest version is Uruguay adopted its first constitution in 1830.

Below is an overhead view of the Montevideo, the capital of Uruguay. The entire population of the country is 3.5 million people. 1.5 million live in Montevideo. There’s a lot of cattle land out there. It’s hard to tell from this pic, but there are 62 barrios (neighborhoods) that make up the city. Each has its own identity.

There are 10 beaches in the city, and because the transportation system is excellent, plus it’s a walking city, you’re never far away. The interesting thing is the water along the beaches are brown, not blue. This is because, despite being unable to see across it, the water is a river and not an ocean. There are no waves either. The river between Uruguay and Argentina is the widest river in the world. You have to drive north of Montevideo to reach blue ocean waters.

Below is a picture of the Pocitos barrio. Should Maurice and I choose to live there, it’s most likely where I’ll want to plant my roots. The negative is all the new high rises mean much of the old buildings with their European charm have been torn down. The positive is the easy access to the beach. A high rise apartment, with a balcony, can run as little as $600/mo in this area.

The picture below is of the barrio of Cuidad Viejo (Old Town) This is the most touristy area of the city because it’s where much of the history occurred. It’s also where you’ll see much of the beautiful European architecture. (Yes, I said European, not Spanish) Plus, Uruguay is second only to New York when it comes to art deco buildings. While beautiful, many of the older buildings are in major need of clean up and renovation. This has much to do with being under a dictatorship for 12 years that ended in 1985. Can’t blame all of their infrastructure problems on the dictatorship, but it didn’t help matters. Rents here vary, but an apartment can easily be had for less than $500/mo

Below is a picture of El Centro. The dividing line between El Centro and Cuidad Vieja is sometimes difficult to draw. This area gives a nice mix of the old world architecture with modern buildings. Being the centralized district for business and government, this area can be very busy during the day and very quiet at night. Probably not the place to be if you like to party late into the evening. Rent in this area seems to vary most, but a quick glance and it looks like most run around $450/mo

I’m not going to go further into any other barrios for now. Each has its own flavor, but I haven’t had enough interest in them to go digging deeper. Of course, should we ever move there we’ll probably live in an Airbnb for a couple of months before deciding where we’d like to settle. We may find Montevideo isn’t the right city there for us. We might find Uruguay isn’t the right place for us. Who knows?

A lot of people hate geography, so I hope I haven’t bored you. There may be a day when I cover some of the other cities available in Uruguay, but I think that’s enough for now.

Killed Some Time There

Thank you. You’ve helped me procrastinate on life by indulging me in my crazy obsession of Uruguay and allowing me to focus on one thing.

The obsession I need to be focused on is writing this current novel. Even though I’m writing a little each day, I’m finding I’m growing further away from it. I don’t mean I’m disliking it. Not at all. I mean that I’m not connecting with it as much. It’s harder to put myself in Mitch’s world which is where I need to be when writing.

Eat Right and Exercise

We’ve been hearing that over the years, right? I’m still not doing my best at either of those. I’ve mentioned exercise has been a struggle, but the past two days eating has been a struggle. I’ve been living off junk food.

Don’t get me wrong. When I say junk food, I don’t mean candies, or chocolates, or chips, or fast food. I’ve been nibbling on little things throughout the day with no major healthy meals. I’m supposed to be eating 5 small meals each day and focusing on protein. Instead of that, I’ll have a protein shake. A little while later I’ll have some pistachios. A little while later I’ll nibble on a high fiber, high protein tortilla. Stuff like that. Not bad if you’re going to eat junk food. The problem is I have not been able to cook a thing…or make a thing. It’s easy to open a can of tuna, add some fat free mayo and some spices for a nice tuna salad. It’s probably one of the easiest things I make and one of my favorites. This is going to sound ridiculous, but the idea of having to open that tuna can and go through the hassle of draining the water is more than I want to deal with right now.

I think Maurice and I are going to have to hit the supermarket and find me some easy, healthy things for on the go. I may not be going anywhere, but I eat like I’m on the go.

For now, I’m off to the doctor’s office to show her I likely have carpel tunnel, and then maybe put some fingers to keys and get some words out.