I asked my husband, Maurice, to think back to before I was taking meds. We both remember the trial and error period when my pdoc and I were trying to find the right combination for me. Some of the meds had some pretty wacky side effects. In fact, one of them made me attack Maurice. Naturally my pdoc told him to get me off those immediately. I can visibly remember the finding drugs period, but my memory before that is quite sketchy.
My question to him was if there is really a noticeable difference from before I went on meds and now. The way I worded it was kind of confusing so he wasn’t really sure what I was asking. He hemmed and hawed and cocked his head and looked at me strangely. I wondered why it was taking him so long to answer. Naturally, I was asking to see if I really have a problem and could I possibly stop seeing a pdoc and even get off my meds. I had in my head that the whole bipolar thing was all a big mistake.
I finally realized he didn’t understand what I was asking, so I asked it again. “Can you see a difference from the way I was before I started on meds, compared to how I am today. Am I better off now?”
I saw the look in his face when he realized what I was asking. He leaned back, looked at me and said, “Oh my God, hell yes!” He went on to describe how I couldn’t function at work and I couldn’t talk. He said he lost me then and wanted me to come back. He’s happy that I did.
So, I didn’t get the validation I wanted. I didn’t get the excuse to get off my meds. What I did get was that my life is far superior today than before proper treatment, and that I need to consider each day a blessing.
Life is good.
So very happy for you. I’m hoping after 5+ years of feeling really crappy (been depressed for over 20 years) I might find the right combination of drugs. I’ve even tried TMS – 37 treatments – absolutely no benefit!
Wow. If there was no benefit, I’m shocked they tried 37 times. I think TMS is just like traditional medication, what works for some doesn’t for others. I am in no way an expert, just my observation from being in support groups. I understand how frustrating it can be. It was a long haul to find the right medication for me, and as I said in my post, some had severe side effects. I hope you find what works for you soon.
I’m with Maurice!! Hell yes!!! I’ve known you for quite a while now and I concur. Your life is much better and more stable with the meds. They may suck, but stay on ’em!! Love you!!!
Yeah, I knew that was the right answer, Joe. I was just hoping and since my memory is so blurry it was easy to convince myself I didn’t need them. I’ve been set straight now. Love you too!
Remember how we discussed in amazement (and some amusement) the people in our support group who would just go off their meds? DON’T BE THOSE PEOPLE! I will try not to be those people either although I will say that it is tempting from time to time. And don’t hurt Maurice. I need him to help me with my computer problems. And also to be decorative. Love you!
Love you too, Teri. You made me laugh. It’s those folks I was thinking about when all the ideas were swirling in my brain. That’s why I really knew the answer before I even asked Maurice. It’s definitely tempting sometimes.
So glad your meds are working for you. Plus I’m sure you’ve developed more coping skills than before treatment. I’m happy life is finally good for you.
Thanks Journey. When I have major anxiety or panic attacks I question whether it’s really that good, but eventually I’m able to realize it really is.
It’s kind of like thinking, could I have a drink? Am I really an alcoholic? Thankfully, I usually know the answer, and I keep other people in my life who definitely do. I’m glad you have Maurice!
That’s exactly what its like Deb. Thank you for the reminder. As for Maurice, I think I’ll keep him.
I have asked the medication question so many times. I have tried so many combinations and I am weary. I have convinced my doctor to wean me off some and go slower with lower doses and wait awhile. I have a long way to go but I’m better than before meds. It really helps to have someone who has your back, doesn’t it?
I couldn’t imagine not having friends and family who aren’t supportive. I’ve met some in support groups and it breaks my heart. Sounds like you have a good doctor if he’s willing to listen to your requests and make adjustments. It’s all about you and you should be a part of your recovery.
You are truly blessed to have the love and support of your husband. Too often those of us with bipolar start to feel better and then go off their meds. Dangerous. He gave you the feedback you needed to hear.
The good thing is I know I’m blessed to have him in my life. It’s hard to imagine my life if he hadn’t been there for me.
I know the feeling.
Its good he got you back. And a noticeable difference, in you too by the sounds of things. Sorry you cant come off of the meds, but I guess you can be thankful for the huge changes since starting them. x
I’m extremely grateful for the life meds have given me. I’m not sure I’d be alive without them.