For many, this will fall under the category of TMI, but I hate to bathe. As a teen, even when very depressed, I still spent 15 – 30 minutes in the shower. But now it’s hard to drag my ass in there. I’ve talked with people who say they have the same problem when they are depressed. It’s a greasy, perspiration filled epidemic. I’m glad I shave my head so hair is not an issue. It may be shiny but it ain’t greasy.
Part of the problem is I’ve become a bit claustrophobic. As a kid you’d find me sleeping in a book shelf or snuggled in a closet (I guess I was in the closet at an early age). I liked tight spaces. But since my claustrophobia began two years ago it’s tough. Usually, I can’t take a shower because I can’t have the shower doors closed. That means I take bathes, which I don’t like. Those are good excuses, but the reality is, it’s just damned hard when I’m feeling blue. I’m lucky to have Maurice around to tell me when I’m stinky and that motivates me. If I lived alone, though, I’d be in my undies and t-shirt all week without bathing. It’s perfectly OK for you to say “Ewwwwwww” now. I understand.
I had a good meeting with my pdoc today. Because of the crazy mood swings I’ve had lately, she is likely to change my meds. We’re going to discuss it next week. We did get into a little bit of therapy. She told me I have penis envy, but I reminded that I have a penis and she changed her prognosis.
Weighed myself today and not as bad as I thought. Three weeks ago I weighed 293 lbs. Today I weighed 293 lobs. Not the loss I wanted but I thought I had gained a lot. I’m taking it pretty well. I’m right back where I started and it’s a new day. Rather than beat myself up I’m going to call it a “do-over”. My pdoc and I discussed me trying again some drugs that don’t affect weight, but made me sick before. I said I was willing to try again and wait them out to see if the effects pass. We’re going to discuss it more later.
ANXIETY HITS! For over a month I’ve had people selling tickets for a charity concert and just 3 hours ago I found out the time has been wrong on the tickets, fliers and advertisements, and the choral group cannot change their time. Yeah, BIG whoops, huh? I’m totally anxiety ridden, but overall I’ve been level today. My mood has been fine, I’m just freaked out about what to do about all the tickets that have sold. I think anyone would feel anxiety after that happened, so I’m going to rate my mood as level today.
Hey Bradley,Sorry you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. If it makes you feel any better I can guarantee you are not the only person who finds it a battle to keep up personal hygiene or appearances when in a depression. usually it’s one of the first signs something is going awry. I know how hard it was for me during my 8-9 month PTSD depression to psych myself into getting into the shower or making any type of effort like that. I sincerely hope you start to feel better soon.
Hey Bradley -Anyone would feel extreme anxiety about the time snafu – just hang in there and remember no one ever died from having a wrong time on a ticket. I always find that thought comforting when I feel like some detail that is overwhelming me isn’t really life or death.Breathe 🙂 and know things will work out 🙂
I have almost OCD-like issues with washing my hands and stuff and when I hit depression mode, the whole daily shower thing takes a nose dive. I just cant seem to muster up the will/energy/motivation. It isnt like I’m gonna get sweaty wallowing in my wacky now is it? Noooooo but the pesky shrinkie dink insists that it is bad to just stop caring. Yeah, ok…whatever. 🙂 Anyway…before I ramble even more – I can relate is what I’m trying to say here. What I can also relate to is weight gain. I’m a huge fat cow right now and none too happy about it. I feel fat so I get depressed and when depressed I tend to eat unhealthy and too much and then I get fatter and more depressed…see the cycle here? Then you pile med related weight gain on top of that and well, just roll me down the street with stick already. Ya know what tho? We shall overcome! Or it sounds good anyway 😉
Anyday on this side of the dirt works for me…. Hang in there bro. Hard roads lead to great views pal!!
Brad: You know I’ve got problems. Past jail stay, working as the sexton since losing my teaching career, being overbareing and on and on but you never mention our self help group that provides so much relief to millions. Is it just that you don’t want to be “old school” or is it not part of your life now? Or do you think it would distract from your main topic? So many of us are co-ocuring these days let’s help as many as possible.What’d ya say? Sorry if you don’t appreciate this but I just want to add my 2 cents worth.Even if that’s all that it’s worth.Michelle’s Dad John
Hi John,Good comment and you never have to apologize for what you have to say. I don’t keep it a secret that I am an alcoholic at all. I can’t say why it hasn’t come up in the blog other than to say I’ve had it in the back of my mind to do a post specifically related to it. It has saved millions and it’s a shame I haven’t mentioned it. I’ll change that soon.