Mood
Well, at least the week started off well. I was in good spirits through last weekend and the first couple of days of the week. Four times a year I do a presentation at the local community college on Buddhism and being Unitarian Universalist. No problem. I did great.
Things changed on Wednesday midday after I got home from the beach. Major anxiety hit. As usual with anxiety I could not get myself into the shower (poor Maurice,) and I was only able to get out to the mailbox one of the days and hyperventilated the entire time. Thursday was the worst. A few times I felt full blown panic attacks coming on and was able to use mindfulness and breathing exercises to curtail them. Still not fun.
I was more than a little nervous on Friday because I had an appointment with my therapist. My usual plan is to get up early and go to Starbucks just down the street from him until appointment time. I couldn’t do it so early. Getting ready and then dealing with Starbucks was overwhelming. Just after noon I went to the bathroom to get ready. When I squeezed the toothpaste tube, my hand with the toothbrush shook so violently that it was not an easy target. Once accomplished I grabbed my large bath towel and hugged it until I felt capable of getting in the shower. I was able to get clean with not much trouble, but got out of there asap.
I wasn’t in a place mentally to take the bus, so I walked the three miles to my therapist’s office. He and I talked about all this during my session and afterwards I was able to go to Starbucks until Maurice got off work and picked me up. It helped that my usual hustle and bustle Starbucks was like a ghost town. It must be because of the holiday weekend.
Weight and Fitness
My goal has been to consistently lose 6 pounds each month. I didn’t reach that, but I did lose at least.
On Saturday, April 30 I weighed 264.2 lbs.
On Saturday, May 28 I weighed 263.0
Total loss for the month: 1.2 lbs.
I did lose more weight around the middle of the month, but the anxiety this past week sabotaged the entire month, I believe.
It has been helpful to track my food on the Lose It website. My Lose It pal, Dyane, whose excellent blog is Birth of a New Brain, has been a been a tremendous help. Dyane and I send messages of encouragement to each other. Having a buddy, to be held accountable, definitely has its advantages. Dyane started the Lose It group, “Wondrous Writers Weight Loss Group.” If you care to join us (Please do!), just join Lose It, which is FREE and search for the group name.
Writing
Really struggled this past week due to the anxiety. Anytime I came to a point that required I stop and think about what to do next, became an opportunity to stop all together and hit the fridge. I did get some editing accomplished, and it needed to be done, but I was unable to write any new pages.
Synopsis
Shitty week!
The sun’ll come out tomorrow! You want me to sing to you, Bradley, because I will!! 🙂 I hope you can take this week and look at it and be proud of yourself for making it through, and apply what you learned to this upcoming week. My peer support person said something wise to me last week when I was really struggling…sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be ok. If you can embrace that, it’s quite freeing. ((hugs))
Great quote, Rose, and something to keep in mind. Thank you
Klonopin is my best friend. I’m so so sorry you were anxious. Glad you came out the other side. It’s an exhausting state. Here’s a ? for you.
Thank you, Dayna. I love kisses.
My heart ached for you while reading this, Bradley. I have a severe anxiety problem too, but it manifests differently. That’s how I got hooked on benzodiazepines; getting off them was one of my biggest accomplishments. Anxiety is a monster.
I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this, my friend. :(((
Maurice sounds like a wonderful person and I’m happy he’s in your life.
I’m proud of you for getting some editing done!!!!! Give yourself lots of credit for that! It could have been “nada done”!
As your Lose It! buddy I must say thanks for the shout-out, but much more importantly, congrats on the weight loss! What you and I are doing is *hard*, and your weekly loss is cause for celebration! You’re doing a great job and I’m honored to have a groovy friend like you in my corner.
I dedicate this song to you:
Those groovy dance moves and Bobby is such a rocker. How could this not make anyone smile?
Thank you for your love and support Dyane, So far I’m having a much better week.
Yay! So glad to hear that! 🙂 In my next vlog I’ll sing some Brady tune for you….I forgot to do that in yesterday’s edition. :0
Oh! I loved the video comment above. I feel your pain and I can say that if I didn’t have my therapist I’m not sure what my life would look like by now. I wish I were a better cheerleader but I can never seem to find the right words. I feel your pain and know that you have one more person who understands.
I understand about not finding the right words to say on someones blog sometimes. Saying you understand is perfect.