Mood
One of the worst weeks in long while. The depression was a massive dark hole. In many ways it felt like the worst I’ve ever had, but logically I know it’s far from it. It only felt like the worst because I’ve been mostly stable for awhile. Maurice and I went to our regular Weight Watchers meeting Saturday morning and I completely zoned out. Later we went to the beach and walked several miles. I’d be dishonest if I said the depression went away, but it did put a major dent in it.
Right now I feel good. I was even singing while making breakfast. (Maurice hates it when I sing in the morning-he’s not a morning person at all.) That’s one of the positives of being a rapid cycler. It may mean depression will come more often, but you also know the depressions not going to last as long. One week was long enough for me.
Weight and Fitness
I neither gained or lost weight over the past week, which is surprising considering my depression. Current weight is 262.2 lbs. Because of the depression, I ate less than usual so I expected to drop. Thursday and Friday, however my hunger came back with a strong sweet tooth. Had I gotten some exercise during the week, I probably would have gotten a good drop, but that was the last thing on my mind.
My weight when I first joined Weight Watchers was 303.4 for a total loss of 41.2 lbs.
My April goal is to lose 6 lbs., so I will need to lose 1.5 lbs each week.
Writing
I did go to the new writers group to check it out. The woman who put it together was very nice, but I won’t be going back. I’m not in the space to be helping a group get off the ground. It takes time and effort. Since I’m happy with my regular Saturday morning group I see no reason to add on another. It was worth checking out, though.
I expected to be working on Chapter 7 this past week, but with the horrible mood, I’m still on Chapter 6. Worked on it a little, but not as much as I would have liked.
Synopsis
A bad week all around. I have high expectations that this week will be much better. Considering my optimism, I’d say my depressive state is pretty much gone.
I’m glad you are feeling better. Although the rapid cycles are relatively short, the depression can still get profoundly deep sometimes. Thank God it doesn’t drag on forever although it feels like it in the midst of the depression. You didn’t gain a pound–that’s great!
Thank you for making me smile, Journey. Yes, I guess I didn’t think of it as much of an accomplishment as I should.
It is wonderful when you wake up and feel like singing, Bradley. It’s a good place to be 🙂
It was unexpected and so welcomed. When you’re in that deep dark hole, it sometimes feels like you’ll never get out.
Don’t I know it. And even knowing that it will end at some point, when you’re there, you have no memory of it ever feeling better. That dark place is so horrible and hard.
For a “bad week,” it sounds like you accomplished a lot. You went to two writer’s groups, attended Weight Watchers, exercised and sang. Good for you. Keep it up.
🙂 I guess it goes to show how far I’ve come since not being able to get out of the house when depressed. The writers groups and Weight Watchers were before the depressions smacked me in the face, but still, I never hit those horrible suicidal lows I use to get on a biweekly basis.
Getting out of bed, getting out of the house, making it to meetings are all achievements when depressed. Give yourself credit. You are functioning. You are in recovery. You are fighting depression. You are taking care of yourself.
There was something in the air this past week. I feel like so many people I know got hit with it. I can relate; I’m still trying to bail water out of my emotional boat, so to speak. I hope this week is lighter for all of us.
So far it has been for me. I hope things turn around for you as well.
Great job on the weight loss!!
Thank you. Thankfully I didn’t gain. This week my expectations are high for weight loss. We’ll see.