Well, it’s the end of the week and I’ve had it in my head that it’s been a good week and was wondering what I could post about today. Then I realized something – I have totally ignored my food intake and my exercise this entire week. I don’t know what my weight is currently, but I can feel it. I’ve definitely gained. Maurice told me I looked sexy last night. Thanks, Hun, but I was feeling anything but sexy.
I was pondering why, after several years, I’ve fallen back into my old routine. Have I really felt all that good this week? I know I haven’t been manic, but what about depression? I live with depression 24 hours a day so it’s hard as hell to tell if it’s better or worse, unless the change is extreme. I don’t recall there being any spikes making the depression higher than normal. If I overanalyze it then I’ll convince myself I have been depressed. That’s why I like to do a check in on my moods each day, rather than just the previous week.
I think it’s mostly been anxiety. I’d been anxious over the sermon, but I did that this past Sunday. Well, that should pass, but it didn’t. I’ve had a lot of anxiety since then over how I did. I think I did well. Maurice taped it all for me, but I haven’t gotten around to looking at it yet. In addition, for my speech class, I had a speech and a test this week. Totally anxiety there. I feel anxiety wondering if I’ve been dealing with anxiety.
I’ve talked to my pdoc about my anxiety and he keeps brushing it off. We normally agree on everything, but not this one and I don’t know why. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and I’m going to bring it up again and be a little firmer this time. Hopefully there’s a med that can lead to anxiety that he can take off my list. If not, I’m going to ask for some anti-anxiety pills. With a tougher school schedule coming up, I’d rather prepare in advance rather than be blindsided. I’ll see what he has to say about it tomorrow.
Being a Bipolar who also suffers from sometimes extreme anxiety (both Agoraphobic and PTSD) on a fairly regular basis: Do not let him put you on an anti-depressant for it (it can cause mania and mood cycling), also be careful with the anti-anxiety medications. They are highly addictive and your body will form a tolerance to them, and they are hard as H*&^ to come off of which is why so many people can’t do it.
Read my “book” on anxiety and bipolar disorder over on my blog. There are some alternatives suggested there, and I intend to find more that are not necessarily medications, but are more holistic.
I’ve been on anti-depressants for years now. I’m also on an antianxiety. It took years to get to the right cocktail and now that we have it I’m not going to mess it up. I’m a firm believer in better living through chemistry. I was just hoping for something a little more for anxiety. After we discussed it, though, we agreed I don’t need it.
That’s a good thing. I am a firm believer that medication can be incredibly helpful, but that too much negates the good affects. I generally only take anti-depressants if I feel one of those episodes coming on, or if I am very stressed, and need a little “help.” It also took me years to get the right cocktail of mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and something to treat ADD. My only fear now is that my doc will retire, and I will have to start the whole process over again. I love my current doc. He believes in treating only that which needs treating.
You could try using your Buddhist practice to help even out the rough spots. I know mine does me end of good for me when I am feeling like I am too anxious to do something. I just chant my way out of it. Seems to work 🙂
About 10 years ago I was started on atypical antipsychotics, which resulted in about 70 lbs. gained in 6 months. My weight has been up and down since then but never down where it used to be. This has unfortunately caused some sexual problems for me and my partner. I had lost some weight this year, but over the past month — since she started a job outside the home for the first time in many years — I can see it’s coming back. It’s depressing and I feel out of control. I have a lot of anxiety and abandonment fears, which I am trying to work through but it will just take time.
The weight gain is, in my opinion, on of the worst effects of psych meds. I’ve seen people stop taking their meds as a result and it wound up going very badly. I just have to accept it’s a battle I’ll have to deal with the rest of my life. I hate it, but that’s the facts.
Great post and so many thoughts in the comments I can really relate to. The weight gain, the over analyzing the depression, anxiety about my anxiety. Nice to know I’m not alone.
No, you’re not alone and thank you for reminding me I’m not either.